Guilt-Tripped Cover Release

Coming this summer

Guilt-Tripped Cover Reveal

Too bad. He’s too smart, too smooth, and far too young.

I’ve had my quota of bad boys for this lifetime. They kept me single way past my prime—a serious problem, considering I wanted to be a mom more than anything in this world.

What else could I do? I knocked myself up. Best decision I’ve ever made. Now the only bad boys in my life are my wild son and this crazy stray dog that’s getting me kicked out of our apartment. Oh, and my work husband, Sam. He’s the ultimate bad boy—mysterious, shady past, and a self-admitted criminal, to boot.

For one thing, he’s always looking over his shoulder like someone’s watching him. He even has a burner phone.

And don’t tell anyone this, but he hacked into my son’s daycare webcam. There was also that time he offered to “fix” my credit score so I could rent another apartment.

Yep, there’s definitely something fishy about Sam Fischer. But he’s just so much fun to flirt with. Plus, my kid loves him.

What? Just because I don’t date bad boys doesn’t mean I can’t be friends with one.

Don’t worry. Despite the insane urge to lick him all over, I’ve learned my lesson: no bad boys.

 

Field-Tripped Book Release

Field-Tripped Release Tour Image

Synopsis

I was done with games. But playing with her is so much fun.

Ten years ago, I was all set to compete in the winter Olympics. Then I lost everything—my career, my best friend, and my girlfriend. After that, I stopped playing games for good. I swore never to go back to Colorado. Too many bad memories. Plus, she’s still there. Now I live a simple life as a creative director at Shimura Advertising in New York. All is good, until my boss cons me and my coworkers into spending two weeks in Colorado at Proton Sports’ sleep-away camp for adults, pitching their business. Turns out Proton’s idea of a pitch is making the agencies battle each other in a bunch of ridiculous winter games. Guess who owns the rival company? Her. And she’s out to get me. I might just let her win. *Field-Tripped is Book 3 in the in the Ad Agency Series and can be read as a standalone. 

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Excerpt

I brush my mouth against her ear. “If I win this race, I’m going to fuck you so hard tonight.”

Hot surprise blooms on her cheeks, and then, poof! It’s gone. And she morphs back into surly kitty.

“And if I win,” she purrs. “I’m going to grip that beard of yours in one hand and ride your face like a bronco.”

I choke on my own saliva and pound my chest. Screw the Olympics. I’ve never wanted to win so bad my life. I actually consider performing a series of light of calisthenics to limber up. I also consider praying on my knees like Orion’s receptionist.

Game on.

I swing my leg over the snowmobile and lower my goggles—ready to win, ready to ride, ready to get out of this cold and between her warm thighs. I rev the engine like it’s a Harley. It sounds more like a lawnmower.

A flash goes off in my brain. It’s as if I’m watching myself perform live onstage in a seventies’ sitcom. Where’s the canned laughter? Where’s the clapboard slamming shut? Where’s the director shouting, “That’s a wrap!”

Furthermore, where’s my goddamn dignity?

About the Author

Nicole Archer Author photo 800x800

Nicole Archer’s lengthy career as an advertising copywriter not only polished her writing skills—it provided a lifetime of book material. As a single, full-time working mom of a beautiful, brilliant, and horrifically energetic son, she has little time to do much else besides work, write, read, drink wine, and breathe. She’s originally from Colorado, but lives in Dallas now. This is her third book.

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Read the other two books in the Ad Agency Series

Buy Road-Tripped, Book 1 | Buy Head-Tripped, Book 2 

 

My Weird Plots

Recently, I answered a few interview questions on how I came up with these crazy plots in my books. So I thought I’d free-write a post on that.

A lot of my ideas come from my own wanderlust and interests. I write about stuff I’ve either done or want to do.

I had a kid late in life, but before that, I traveled extensively and did all sorts of interesting things. Raising a kid requires more stability, so I started writing these romantic adventures as a means of escape from the doldrums that raising kids can often bring.

Also, most of what I write is what I want to read. I like books heavy on character, with lots of humor. I love personal growth and travel. I like weird people and silly situations. And I like that my people have all sorts of flaws. It goes without saying I love sex.

That said, the sex in my books is more about emotion than titillation. So while it’s definitely erotic, there are feelings at stake. For example, there is a lot of hate fucking going on in Field-Tripped. Lots of angry sex. I just love the idea of that. It’s so hot. I won’t reveal too much more than that.

I started writing in the romance genre, which is classified as a story with a happily-ever-after ending, because I believe we are all driven by love, or lack thereof. The general tropes—the enemies to lovers, the rock star, the second chance—I also find those appealing, but it’s hard to keep them from being predictable. I’m a big DNF’er when it comes to the same old plot line.

So that’s why I let my brain do whatever it wants with the usual tropes. And often, it goes off on weird tangents.

With the latest book, I’d read this article on adult camps, and I started thinking how cool it would be to bring this childlike experience back into play. And the second chance romance fit perfectly with that theme.

Also, I love my heroes and heroines. I have yet to put a true alpha male in my books. But I have two alpha females. Mostly, because the alpha males I’ve met are complete assholes.

I favor the Renaissance man instead. Generally, my heroes are passionate, talented, and strong, but they have no problem letting a strong female lead. They complement the heroine, rather than dominate. There is equality and balance in my characters’ relationships. That, I think, is ideal.

Those are my random thoughts for today.

If you have any questions, feel free to ask. Maybe I’ll write a blog article.

Field-Tripped Cover

Field-Tripped

Release Date: October 30, 2017

A new standalone holiday romance from Nicole Archer.

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I was done with games. But playing with her is so much fun.

Ten years ago, I was all set to compete in the winter Olympics. Then I lost everything—my career, my best friend, and my girlfriend.

After that, I stopped playing games for good. I swore never to go back to Colorado. Too many bad memories. Plus, she’s still there.

Now I live a simple life as a creative director at Shimura Advertising in New York. All is good, until my boss cons me and my coworkers into spending two weeks in Colorado at Proton Sports’ sleep-away camp for adults, pitching their business. Turns out Proton’s idea of a pitch is making the agencies battle each other in a bunch of ridiculous winter games.

Guess who owns the rival company? Her. And she’s out to get me. I might just let her win.

*Field-Tripped is Book 3 in the in the Ad Agency Series and can be read as a standalone.

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A Real Womanizer

I’m writing this review to tell you about a serious loss in my life. An expensive loss. I’ve been grieving.

You see, after I purchased a $129 sex toy from Amazon as a Christmas present to myself, not even six months later, it died an unflattering death, in the midst of what could have been a very satisfying orgasm.

Why am I so bummed about my dead sex toy? Well, for one thing, I write dirty romance novels in my spare time. Writing sex scenes leaves me needy, and sometimes I just need a quick fix before I can continue writing the story.

Other times, I incorporate it into my daily routine. Hunter S. Thompson started the day with cocaine, cigarettes, weed, several pills, a lot of greasy food, and a soak in the Jacuzzi. I start my day with yelling at my kid, coffee, yoga, a climax, and a shower. Next to my trusty Mac, it’s the second most important element in my writer’s toolbox.

Romance Author Nicole Archer's desk

As a matter of fact, it sits next to my desk, on top of the standing desk I’m never going to use, next to the other dead things that are never going to come back to life, (a shitty watch and an old Kindle I can’t return). It lies beside my party float beer holders, my carpel tunnel hand putty, and one cashew nut I refuse to throw away because it holds spiritual significance in my life. It’s as important as my backup drives, and my thousands of chargers.

I’ve bonded with readers over this device. That sounds weird, so let me clarify. We share a love of the amazing sucking action. It really is quite explosive, the orgasm with a Womanizer.

In short, it’s always there beside me, waiting for me like an old friend.

Except it’s not old. It’s fucking six months old.

“This toy was as short-term as a real womanizer.”

Know why it’s dead? Because the shitty magnetic charger won’t stay attached and sticks to everything besides the actual clitoral magical device-acal. I’ve charged up a pair of scissors, my desk, my Mac—everything except the damned charger.

I hate that fucking charger. I hate that I spent $129 on a sex toy that has as much stamina as my pre-ejeculatory college boyfriend. (see this video for details.)

No return policy? Of course not. Although, I’m tempted to deliver it to the CEO of your company in a box, unwashed.

So, so, sincerely,

Nicole Archer

 

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New Covers

Brand New Look for The Ad Agency Series

Last week on social media, I revealed my cover redesigns. While many people liked the old covers, I didn’t feel like they were reflective of the category. They were more cute than sexy. So with the help of Letitia Hasser, at RBA Designs, the Ad Agency Series has a new look that is mirrors my modern style, and also expresses the sexiness and humor of the books, plus they also set me apart from others in the same category.  I couldn’t be more pleased.

There are seven novels in the Ad Agency Series, plus two novellas. The next release is Field-Tripped— Eli St. James’s story—out the beginning of November. Subscribe to my author newsletter to read secret excerpts and get news on the release.  Subscribe here.

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Thank You, Book Bloggers

Until I wrote a book, I felt empty and lost.

When my son was born and I moved to a city where I knew no one, I devoured books as an escape from my boring life. After reading Outlander, I got hooked on romance. I started with the historicals, then consumed 80’s contemporary novels from big names like Judith McNaught, then discovered new adult, and finally contemporary romance. I read close to a four hundred books that year.

One random summer day, I decided to crank out a rom-com series.
What the hell to I have to lose? I said to myself. I write for a living. It might be fun.

Except I’m a single mom and own my own business, so I had to zero idea how I’d find the time. Turns out I spent hours online doing nothing. And my binge watching TV habits were also sucking up great pockets of time. By giving up those two things, I carved an extra twenty hours a week out to write.

So I wrote Road-Tripped.
And then I had no idea what to do with it. It took me another nine months to beg people to read my book. I’m still begging people. And since then, I can say without a shadow of a doubt, my new readers have come from the book bloggers, who took a chance on a new author and spent precious time to read, review, and promote this newly self-published author.

Then I wrote another book.
Head-Tripped was so fucking hard to write. Road-Tripped was a breeze, but this book was completely different. I wrote from the point of view of a recovering drug addict, an introverted Latino male, and six other characters, including a gay black man. To add to that, I wrote in four languages, made eight characters travel to ten different countries, AND themed the book to Alice in Wonderland.

I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking.
I had to research violins, classical music, drug addiction, introversion, stage fright, and behind the scenes at concerts. I had to find a way to build the characters’ love from an instant attraction, but keep it slow burning, and do it without sacrificing the titillating aspects of modern romance and sex.

I’m not sure why I made the story so complicated. It just happened that way. But it was a challenge, and when I finished it, I felt drained. Not only that, I blew through my savings while I wrote it. I still haven’t recouped the costs of the first book. The whole time I kept saying to myself, I don’t know if this writing shit is worth it. And since Head-Tripped was so different from the first book, I didn’t sleep at night, worrying I’d lose the tiny precious audience I’d gathered from Road-Tripped.

So now that it’s out, and I read reviews that capture the very essence of the emotion I’d hope to convey, and also say how easy the book is to gobble up, it socks me deep in the belly of my soul. It’s like a little tornado of hope, propelling me to keep going. So this is me, writing a ridiculously long note, to say:

Thank you, book bloggers. Without you, my soul would starve.

 

The F-bombs in Road-Tripped

My guy friend received a VIP invitation to the ladies’ book club where he works. According to him, it’s a big deal to get such an invite. The book club is headed up by the head of his company’s HR. He suggested Road-Tripped, and after reading the reviews on Amazon, they chose to read it. I cringed when he told me this. For one, the book has erotic sex, and for two the book has an extraordinary amount of F-Bombs. I warned him, but he didn’t seem concerned.

At one point, when I wrote the book, I stripped out all but two F-bombs, thinking it would sell better, but I kept them in for a reason. Number one, this is how people talk in advertising.  As a freelancer, I’ve worked at literally hundreds of agencies, in Dallas, New York, LA, Atlanta, Chicago, Miami and Denver. And I’m sorry to say this, but sexism is still there along with the bad language. I wanted to portray the agency life accurately. And I absolutely did. I’ve had bosses who closed their doors to smoke weed and said incredibly inappropriate things. I’ve had clients come on to me. And yes, many coworkers get together for more than just happy hour after work. If there is an agency out there not like that, then I’ve not worked at it.

In fact, this is how a lot of people talk. Depending on where you live, and what you do for a living, chances are you’ll hear the word frequently. Typically, people don’t even notice the word anymore it’s become so diluted.
But when you see it in writing it tends to stand out.

The second reason I kept the dirty language in was for Callie’s character. I wanted her to be completely removed from the typical romance heroine, with coltish legs and perfect everything. I wanted her to be the ANTI-heroine. Crass, unladylike, bitchy, but also smart and sexy. She’s weird and slightly insecure because of it.  Her “happily ever after” was that a man as charming as Walker would still find her desirable despite those “flaws.”

I know some strong women. They’re bold, they say what’s on their mind, and they don’t put up with shit. They cuss, they ask for sex when they want it, and they don’t fake their orgasms. In return, I’ve met some fantastic men who love them for their strength. But in reality, most women like that don’t get their happily ever after. Many times they can’t find men who are strong enough to live with them.

That’s why I wrote this book—for the strong, weird women out there. The women who are often one-of-the-boys. The strong women who want to be treated with respect, but also want to be sexy, soft, and adored.

It was a creative decision to keep a fuck-load of f-bombs in the book. The character owned her language. And, therefore, I must own it, too.
So thanks Sky, for recommending my book to your club.  I hope there’s a bunch of strong-ass bitches in there who fucking like it.

 

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New Amazon Review Guidelines

Recently, I had legitimate reviews disappear from Amazon. Since I work in the digital industry, I didn't even try to game the system. In fact, I told my own mother not to review my book. But in this case, there didn't appear to be any reason for the removal, nor were the reviewers notified. I'd never met the readers and the bloggers who received free ARC's posted: "I received this book in exchange for an honest review."

Well, apparently that doesn't work anymore. Scamming for and paying for reviews is a disgusting practice and Amazon is doing a good job of cracking down on it. Unfortunately, it seems to be purging real reviews.

After some investigative work, I found out Amazon has a new review policy,  in place since October 16th. Wouldn't it be nice if they disclosed these to authors and reviewers up front? Through various forums and articles, I put together the best advice for authors and bloggers culminated in one place.

Advice for Authors

How Amazon Detects Connections

Amazon's algorithm connects friends on your profiles with reviews. Sharing, photos, and likes are all tracked. If a reviewer is in the same author groups and likes similar posts, a connection can be made. Amazon uses a sniffer to track friends and fans. If either are found to be connected, they are removed. Since most authors and bloggers do most marketing on social channels this is a tragedy. And if someone has read the book and liked your page after they left a review, you're screwed. 

But not if you disconnect!

  1. Everyone, reviewers and authors included, should disconnect Amazon and Goodreads from their social media channels. Don't sign into Amazon, Goodreads, with Facebook connect, Twitter or other social platforms. In fact, you should go through your apps on Facebook and remove all apps connected through that. What was seemingly an easy way to log in is actually a convenient way to track your data. I thought I'd already removed my connections but didn't realize you also had to remove them from your mobile apps as well. 
  • Here's how to do it on desktop. Here's how to do it on mobile. 
  • Here's how to disconnect social from Amazon.
  • And from your kindle.
  • On Goodreads, go to apps under your user profile settings and disconnect there and also the integration that allows you to download your Amazon book purchases to Goodreads.
  • Another suggestion is to use different email logins for Facebook, Amazon and Goodreads. After you're finished, clear your cache on both mobile and desktop. Another source on the subject.
  1. Amazon detects obvious connections to the author, like address, last name, phone numbers. Clear your address book and gift list settings on Amazon. I sent a Goodreads giveaway through my account and had a review stripped from a winner.
  2. Too many reviews from the same IP address (i.e. your town, office, etc.) This is a pretty obvious no-no. 
  3. Don't  post the same review  multiple times for one or many authors.
  4. The same search time stamp (QID) clicked by many different people who are already linked to you.

Clean Your URL's before posting
Don't put a link to your book on your blog or website that you get directly from an Amazon search, because a dated url will tip off Amazon that the review comes from a fan. Here’s a link to a blogpost with more info plus a video about the suspect urls.

Don't exchange reviews with other authors
Not sure how they track this, but somehow they do. This includes review swapping communities. Don't solicit reviews in that manner. Amazon has cracked down. I haven't done this, but there are a million groups on Goodreads who do this.

Authors consider removing Amazon Affiliate links
Using the link on your website may not harm a review, but posting it on social channels will definitely leave a trail.

Verified purchases have more weight
Of course they do, but I actually had a verified purchase removed, too. 

Reviewers must spend at least 50 bucks on Amazon with a valid card.
This keeps people from signing up for fake accounts.

Editors, cover designers, formatters, etc., can't review the book
That seems obvious as well.

Don't one star competitor's books
Apparently, a handful of authors did this in the early days—tried to take out competition with low ratings. There are companies who you can pay to do this. Why anyone would want to do this is beyond me.

Advice for Bloggers

  1. Authors can still give free books to reviewers, however the new guidelines state you can't say, "ARC given in exchange for a review." The new language is "Received an ARC for which I voluntarily provided an honest review." Or something like that.
  2. Paid blog tours are considered paid reviews. This strikes me as ludicrous since the bloggers don't actually get paid, but apparently Amazon disagrees. Not sure how they can track this, but I imagine it has something to do with a timestamp on reviews.
  3.  A review copy must be given before the review is written, or the book will be seen as payment for the review. This seems like a great big "duh" to me, but you never know.
  4.  Amazon affiliates bloggers take note:  “A somewhat murky area is the case of reviewers who post reviews both on Amazon and on their own blogs, with links from the blog to Amazon that result in the blogger/reviewer receiving pay if the person clicking on the link then buys the item on Amazon. It’s not entirely clear at this time, but it appears that this scenario can lead to a purge, because it violates the rule that an Amazon reviewer may not post a review on a product in which the reviewer has a financial interest. Until more is known, a blogger who has monetized his/her blog might be better off not reviewing the same product on both the blog and Amazon.”
  5. Post reviews on other sites like Kobo and iTunes, so your review isn't lost.
  6. If you've had your reviews removed, write review-appeals@amazon.com. Apparently, you get one opportunity to make your case, but your chances of a reprieve are almost nonexistent.

 

For more info on Amazon’s new review rules, check out the Smarty Pants podcast on Amazon’s new review rules.

How to write a good review from Netgalley. 

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